


Dictionary Definition

by pyrexprodigy



Series: Lay My Colors Bare [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, MTF Rose Lalonde, MTF Terezi Pyrope, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Trans Female Character, Troll gender speculation, Vriska is a bad moirail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-01 23:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4037911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrexprodigy/pseuds/pyrexprodigy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Terezi and Rose Lalonde discuss gender, childhoods, and pale romance.</p><p>-</p><p>His name is Terezi. He is three sweeps old. He is wondering why he has never heard of a male heiress before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dictionary Definition

**Author's Note:**

> Personally, I have a headcanon that Terezi is trans. I wanted to write something that was speculative about troll gender, since I also headcanon them as having "the same parts," a bulge and a nook. I was wondering if dysphoria would be different for trolls and humans because of that and if the societies would be different, too. I dunno. 
> 
> I personally identify as agender and took some of this from my own experience, but if I've written something in an offensive way, please let me know!

Her name is Terezi. She is six sweeps old. She maybe likes a boy, but he’s all too undecided in his interactions with her. In turn, she supposes that she is confused as well.

Her life is not dictated by this boy. She has other interests. She likes to play court, and she has since she was young. Although she’s grown now and she knows Alternian crime shows are not the best representation of court proceedings. Sometimes she wishes she could have someone to involve in this world of her, but sometimes it’s just her own; a section she’s carved out that she wholeheartedly enjoys. Besides, let’s remember what happened last time she let someone into her fantasy world.

She is Terezi Pyrope, and despite the mess of curdling adolescent emotion inside of her, she is strangely content in some ways.

* * *

 

Her name is Terezi. She is roughly eight sweeps old. She does not like a boy, but it would be nice to be involved with someone who understands her. She thinks that Vriska tries, but overall that troll is far too concerned with her personal issues to get Terezi’s. She isn’t the best moirail, but they play off each other well and Vriska is respectful when she needs to be. Not once since John decked her in the face has she said “he” in reference to Terezi, and she guesses that’s the best she’ll get until this whole SGRUB mess is over.

Terezi has not had a chance to talk to Rose. She thinks she will never have a chance to talk to Rose.

* * *

 

His name is Terezi. He is three sweeps old. He is wondering why he has never heard of a male heiress (“heir”) before.

Karkat forces him to watch a romcom about the subject. He’s surprised when he learns that, yes, male heiresses have existed. It’s a rarity. But the last male heiress, the star of the movie, is not a male heiress for long. She is, in fact, a female heiress.

He finds that all kinds of strange and wonderful.

* * *

 

His name is not Terezi. There is not a male troll named Terezi.. Maybe there never really was; she doesn’t know the details about it. All she knows is that she is Terezi, Terezi is a girl, and she is five and a half sweeps old.

* * *

 

Her name is Terezi. She is nineteen years old and she has sharp horns and grey skin and-

No. No, she doesn’t.

Her name is Terezi and she does not like this human body.

 

She remembers her first time on Prospit. Waking up and feeling at ease with her body was a miracle in and of itself. It was even better to feel the weight at her chest. It proved that she was herself, that Terezi was the girl she was meant to be.

She remembers waking up blind and suddenly understanding why her dreamself has feminine troll characteristics. Rose later clarifies that “feminine characteristics” is not the way to refer to these differences, but trolls are different than humans. They have all the same parts where it matters  and it’s never been such a big deal to say Hey, I don’t think I’m male Terezi anymore! I’m now a girl. Rose envies her for that, she realizes. Though Terezi’s always envied Nepeta and Vriska and her female friends for their busts, at least doesn’t want to mutilate herself to match her gender identity. Rose never went into much detail about that. She doesn’t think she wants to hear it.

All in all, Terezi is lucky. While Rose faced difficulty back on earth, Terezi only had trouble when it came to her relationship with a certain troll who now claims to be her very best friend. She wishes Vriska could understand.

And then she realizes that’s how Rose must feel about her.

* * *

 

When the new universe is created, Terezi is yet again stuck in a body she does not like. It had taken so long, so very long, to come to terms with her male body. And she just doesn’t understand this human one. It feels wrong in all the important places and Rose just does not understand.

“Haven’t you always wanted to be a girl?” Rose asks.

Terezi wants to scream. Instead, she grins and slides her glasses up her nose. She can see the look on Rose’s face, and that’s part of the problem. This body is all wrong.

“Well, yeah,” Terezi says.

For someone who spent so many years hating her body, Rose understands very little.

And this is why Terezi is relieved to finally be back in her troll body. Luckily, some technology from the game is left over. Somehow (she doesn’t know how) Sollux fixes the issue, with John’s help. They might be the weirdest kismesises in the history of paradox space.

Terezi still doesn’t understand why the Pyrope line was the one that got picked for whatever laughing god watching them to fuck with. She hates it, but now she understands. She understands Rose just a little more. And maybe it’s because of this that she trolls Vriska soon after getting the proper grey fingers back.

 

* * *

 

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

  
GC: 1 W4NT TO BR34K UP  
AG: What????????  
AG: Very funny, Pyrope. Who put you up to this?  
AG: Was it Gamzee? Fuck, he needs a lesson in how to flirt. 8ecause this certainly isn’t how you 8lackflirt, let me tell you.  
GC: 1 WOND3R HOW LONG YOU’LL D3LUD3 YOURS3LF B3FOR3 YOU R34L1Z3.  
GC: TH1S W4S N3V3R M34NT TO WORK. YOU JUST  
GC: YOU DON’T G3T M3.  
AG: Is this about the trans thing?  
AG: 8ecause you know that I love you no matter what!  
AG: you hear that, Pyrope? I L8VE you.  
GC: M4YB3 YOU DO. 1 DON’T KNOW.  
GC: BUT 1 C4N’T DO TH1S. 1 N33D SOM3ON3 WHO G3TS M3.  
GC: I LOV3 YOU TOO  
GC: BUT 1TS NOT P4L3 4NYMOR3. 1’M SORRY, VR1SK4.  
AG: Wh8t the fuck????????  
AG: Seriously, just tell me wh8t I d8d!!!!!!!!  
AG: I didn’t me8n 8t!  
GC: YOU D1DN’T DO 4NYTH1NG, GOD. 1 JUST R34L1Z3D SOM3TH1NG.  
AG: You h8ve got to be f8cking kidding m8  
AG: I c8n’t ev8n fucking type r8ght now.  
AG: Th8nks for f8cking nothing, Ter8zi!!!!!!!!  
AG: Just le8ve m8 the f8ck al8ne.

  
\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

 

* * *

 

 

Terezi hasn’t hurt Vriska since nearly killing her on the meteor. She doesn’t like the taste it leaves in her mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

 

GC: Y3S H3LLO TH3 P4RTY H4S 4RR1V3D  
TT: You are a monumental dork.  
TT: That being said, “what is up.”  
GC: 1T 4LW4YS M4K3S M3 SO UNCOMFORT4BL3 WH3N YOU STOP US1NG CONTR4CT1ONS.  
TT: Apologies.  
TT: Day two of having your body back. Is it satisfactory?  
GC: TH3 BODY?  
TT: I suppose.  
GC: W3LL, Y34H.  
GC: BUT TH4T’S NOT R34LLY WHY 1’M H3R3.  
TT: Then why are you here?  
GC: GOOD QU3ST1ON.  
GC: 1 W4NT3D TO 4POLOG1Z3  
TT: Allow me a moment of disbelief.  
TT: Terezi Pyrope is apologizing to me?  
GC: Y3S, Y3S. 1 G3T 1T. 1S 1T POSS1BL3 FOR US TO B3 S3R1OUS FOR NOW?  
GC: YOU’LL RU1N TH3 MOM3NT  
TT: I wasn’t aware we were having a moment.  
GC: OH, W3 C3RT14NLY W1LL B3  
TT: And you’re confident about that?  
GC: 3XTR3M3LY  
TT: Well, I can’t fault you for that. Go for it.  
GC: 4S 1 W4S S4Y1NG, 1 W4NT3D TO 4POLOG1Z3  
GC: 1 D1DN’T UND3RST4ND YOU B3FOR3  
TT: And to what are you referring to?  
TT: Ah.  
TT: I see.  
GC: 1T W4S HORR1BL3, B31NG 1N TH3 BODY OF 4 HUM4N F3M4L3. 1 M34N 1 KNOW TH4T’S WH4T YOU W4NTED BUT  
GC: 1T D1DN’T S1T W3LL W1TH M3  
TT: But why would you apologize for that?  
GC: W3LL, 1 W4S PR3TTY 1NS3NS1T1V3 4BOUT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T 1N MY YOUTH. SH1T, 1 ST1LL 4M  
GC: Okay, I’m ditching the quirk. Just for now.  
TT: This is a first. I don’t know if I can take all of this in.  
GC: Rose.  
TT: Alright, alright. No joking.  
TT: I never thought you would be the uptight one.  
GC: Uptight I may be.  
GC: But I’m also considerate.  
GC: Rose Lalonde, allow me to offer you official apology for my past actions and ignorant comments on the topic of your gender and your dysphoria. It was wrong of me to do that.  
GC: That being said, I think you might owe me an apology too.  
TT: And why is that?  
GC: “Trolls all have the same parts. It’s not the same.”  
TT: Did I really say that?  
GC: Y3S  
GC: Yes.  
GC: I have it screenshotted if you want me to send it to you.  
TT: Photoshop is a thing, as you are aware.  
GC: Blindness is a thing, as you are aware.  
TT: I’m sure Miss Terezi Pyrope would find a way.  
GC: Oh, you flatter me, Cantaloupe Mistress >:]  
GC: But I’m serious. That really fucked me up at the time.  
GC: I mean, yeah. The majority of our parts are the same. But it’s the stigma, you know?  
GC: Plus breasts. God, little Terezi was obsessed with those. Once puberty started... Well, let’s just say I didn’t handle it well sometimes.  
TT: I’m sorry.  
GC: Eh, it’s fine.  
TT: No, I meant about saying that.  
TT: At the time, I was very bitter. My transition had just started, and as you are aware, puberty caught up to me. I’d rather not go into details.  
TT: I envied you and your culture. I know it’s silly, but since trolls were so consumed by the hemospectrum, gender wasn’t such a discriminatory subject. But humans weren’t like that.  
TT: And there were times when you were so unfeminine and I wondered, is Terezi serious about this? Has she played some sort of trick on me?  
GC: That lusus of yours really fucked you up, Rose.  
TT: Yes. I think she probably did. Although that was mostly my fault.  
TT: But eventually I learned that someone’s identity didn’t have to match their style. Maybe you leaned more towards the traditionally masculine, while I erred on the side of the feminine, but that didn’t make your identity any less valid. And for that, I am sorry.  
GC: Thank you.  
GC: Really, this is the only good thing that came about because of my bodyswap mishap.  
TT: Amen.  
TT: I’ve noticed some changes in your biology myself.  
GC: Oh, Rose. You dirty girl you >;]  
TT: It was simply an observation.  
TT: How are they treating you?  
GC: I don’t understand bras.  
TT: Kanaya may be of some assistance.  
GC: Yes, let me just ask your girlfriend how she feels about bra shopping with me.  
GC: Let’s remember she’s the ex-moirail of my moirail, whom I did try to kill when Kanaya had a very obvious flushcrush on her.  
TT: What are you saying?  
GC: I don’t think Kanaya likes me very much >:[  
TT: That’s for her to say. You did spend a few years on a meteor with her; surely some sort of relationship was built up.  
GC: Nope >:|  
TT: Pft.  
GC: ?  
TT: That face is a gem.  
GC: >:]  
GC: Oh.  
TT: What?  
GC: Well  
GC: I made a mistake earlier  
TT: Do continue.  
GC: Calm down your therapist boner and allow me to continue, why don’t you?  
TT: Rude.  
GC: So I don’t know how to say this anymore  
GC: But Vriska and I broke up  
TT: The two of you are no longer involved in pale shenanigans, then?  
GC: That’s what I said, yeah.  
TT: Why did you break up with her?  
GC: Why do you assume it was me?  
TT: You don’t talk about relationships other people break off of this easily.  
GC: Ha. Ha ha ha.  
GC: Vriska Serket is anything but easy, let me tell you.  
GC: Oh my god this is yet another reason Kanaya’s going to kill me.  
TT: Maybe you shouldn’t say that to her girlfriend.  
GC: Good point. Sorry, Rose  
TT: It’s no matter.  
TT: Now, on the subject of Vriska. I am curious. I thought the relationship was going well.  
GC: Well, she was trying. But it’s kind of hard to be pale for someone you tried to kill at one point and disarmed at another.  
GC: Plus she’s... Not really that understanding? She doesn’t get that it’s a big deal for me and I want to talk about gender sometimes. She’s good with pronouns but... She’s not touchy-feely. It’s upsetting that she never talks about it.  
TT: But you can talk about it with me.  
GC: Well, yeah. We used to talk about it a lot, even if we weren’t very nice about it  
GC: So  
GC: I came to you to talk about it  
TT: After breaking up with Vriska.  
GC: Yes  
TT: I see.  
TT: Well, I am at a point in my life where I understand quadrants. From what I’ve witnessed of some exemplary moirails over the years, the conversation we just had is a prime example of pale affection.  
GC: I wouldn’t know  
TT: Oh.  
TT: I’d say “burn” but that seems a bit insensitive.  
GC: And you would be correct.  
TT: Is that what this is? Have you been hitting on me, Terezi?  
GC: A little more than hitting on.  
GC: If you were a troll you’d probably hit me for the diamonds I’ve been throwing at you this entire time.  
TT: Well.  
TT: Okay.  
TT: I accept your pale inclinations.  
GC: Really?  
TT: Yes. You seem sincere. And you dumped Vriska for me.  
TT: And you understand me.  
TT: The seer thing also helps.  
GC: Ultimate duo.  
TT: What is it with you and light players, Terezi?  
GC: You can talk to me about that the first time you pile me.  
TT: I love it when you talk dirty.  
GC: Holy shit.  
TT: ;)  
GC: Holy shit Rose.  
GC: HOLY SH1T  
TT: Oh thank God. It was really unnerving to talk to you without your quirk.  
GC: Y34H, 1 F1GUR3D 1T’S NOT S3R1OUS T1M3 4NYMOR3  
TT: Pretty much.  
TT: Not to make this awkward, but what did you plan to do if I turned you down.  
GC: I DON’T KNOW.  
GC: NOT GO B4CK TO VR1SK4. TH4T WOULDN’T WORK OUT.  
GC: BUT 1 PROB4BLY WOULD’V3 JUST 4CC3PT3D 1T 4ND MOV3D ON. WH4T 3LS3 1S TH3R3 TO DO?  
TT: That’s incredibly mature of you.  
GC: 1’M M4TUR3 4S FUCK 4ND K1ND OF 1NSULT3D TH4T YOU’D 1NS1NU4T3 OTH3RW1S3, ROS3  
TT: Insults aside  
TT: You’ll have to forgive me if I fall short in this quadrant.  
GC: N4H, 1’V3 S33N YOU W1TH D4V3. 1 M1GHT H4V3 B33N 4 L1TTL3 J34LOUS  
TT: Oh, do continue.  
GC: MY PO1NT 1S TH4T YOU 4R3 PR3TTY GOOD 4T TH3 COMFORT TH1NG. 4ND YOU’R3 JUST K1ND OF... FUN. SO YOU SHOULD H4V3 NO WORR13S  
TT: Yes, well.  
TT: How close is the pale quadrant, exactly?  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N?  
TT: Physically.  
GC: GOD ROS3, YOU’V3 GOT 4 D1RTY L1TTL3 M1ND  
GC: 1 DON’T KNOW, 1T D3P3NDS ON TH3 MOIR41LS 4ND WH4T TH3Y F33L COMFORT4BL3 DO1NG TOG3TH3R. 1F YOUR MO1R41L DO3SN’T R3SP3CT TH4T, TH3Y SHOULDN’T B3 YOUR MO1R41L  
GC: VR1SK4 4ND 1 CUDDL3D L1K3 ONC3  
GC: BUT 1 KNOW N3P3T4 4ND 3QU1US PR3F3R TO B3 CLOS3R 4ND TH4T’S FIN3. 1 M34N, US R3M41N1NG TROLLS K1ND OF WR1T3 TH3 QU4DR4NT L4WS NOW SO 1T DO3SN’T R34LLY M4TT3R.  
GC: 1F YOU’R3 WORR13D 4BOUT YOUR R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH K4N4Y4 YOU DON’T H4V3 TO. K4N4Y4’S 4 TROLL; SH3 KNOWS HOW QU4DR4NTS WORK  
TT: Polyamorous relationships among humans was generally frowned upon. Forgive me for feeling uncomfortable with the idea.  
GC: 1F 4NY HUM4NS G1V3 YOU SH1T, L3T M3 KNOW.  
GC: BUT HON3STLY 4 MO1R41L 1S 4 H1GH3R CL4SS OF B3ST FR13ND TO SOM3 P3OPL3. 1F TH4T’S WH4T YOU W4NT, TH4T’S F1N3.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: That may be the nicest you’ve ever been to me.  
GC: YOU’R3 D1FF1CULT TO B3 N1C3 TO  
TT: Regardless, I feel like this will work out swimmingly.  
TT: Though you may want to speak with Vriska before she forces my severed head onto a stake outside her door.  
GC: 4H Y3S,B3C4US3 4 LIT3R4L GODD3SS WOULD D13 4FT3R TH4T.  
TT: That’s not the point, Terezi.  
GC: >:/  
TT: I’d hate to be part of the reason that the two of you stop being friends.  
TT: And from what I’ve picked up, you do still care about her. Just not in a pale sense.  
TT: So if not pale, then how do you love her?  
GC: 1 N3V3R S41D 1 LOV3 H3R  
TT: You didn’t need to.  
TT: It’s settled; my first job as Terezi Pyrope’s moirail will be to fix her relationship with Vriska.  
TT: Maybe pick out a nice quadrant for them.  
GC: ROS3. NO.  
TT: Rose yes.  
GC: >:[  
TT: ;)

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --


End file.
